i had the thought yesterday that there is a fundamental difference between the right and left. there is a thought within the left that their purpose in life, love, family, country, humanity is directly related to being of service, of care, of love, of sacrifice. regardless of the reciprocity of it, regardless of the cost both financially or emotionally, this is at the core of what we believe. the person who receives the care doesn't matter. color, creed, religion, nationality doesn't matter. to lift others up when they need it is a special duty that the blue dots take seriously. in our country, the ideals that we adopted have become something that we fight over almost to a fault. the idea that we are of service has become a conditional one. who are we helping? are they like us? believe like us? look like us? worship like us? no? then hell no, i can't possibly do that. why would i? why would I grant someone their dignity as a person if they committed a crime, worship allah, or are poor? dignity is only for the righteous. or why would i reach out a hand to someone when they couldn't possibly know my situation or be able to reciprocate it?
therein lies the problem. we are in the traditional christian holiday season. people are all about giving this time of year. angel tree, meals, toys for tots, caroling, services. everyone all across the country want to lend a hand. all in the name of their dear lord. we do these things to honor the lord, right? or is it done to ease your conscience that you just spent an inordinate amount of money on people to show your love? is it to ease the fact that you haven't been to church all year? is it to look like you are a kind and benevolent person? what do you do the other 360 days of the year? do you support the people who can't support themselves all year? do you act kindly to your neighbor knowing they can't possibly do that for you? or do you continue to post vitriol online about the very groups that you purport to help in december?
here lies the rub. it has become acceptable to be vile for 11 months out of the year and redeemed in one.
when i was young, i learned from several of the best role models one could have. i bore witness to my grannie being kind, giving, and loving 365 days of the year. she befriended the lost, fed the hungry, and accepted the community members that others shunned. we always had a random at our holiday gatherings. she wanted to make sure everyone was included and fed even when we thought she had lost her mind. there was a mentally ill and generally derelict man who lived in her neighborhood. he was usually dirty, unkempt, and likely "on the drugs" as she liked to say. he loved electronics, gadgets, and random things he adored my grandparents and let himself in to the house much to our disapproval. while i don't know that he was ever a threat, he usually made us a little uncomfortable. that said, grannie always entertained him and papa did as well by giving him broken things to work on, batteries for his walkman, and a meal.
my grandparents were devout Presbyterians and were dutiful to their church. they rarely missed a service, took us to sunday school, bible school, and never ate a meal without a blessing. they were the real deal. they took care of the preachers, the manse they lived in, and became friends with two in particular that i will always remember. the first being a fellow that i can't remember the name of off hand, but he was a short, serious, and somewhat unfortuate looking guy. they had many games of bridge with him, shared meals, conversations, prayers, and gardening. he took to my grannie's cooking and companionship, and would help papa in theory with gardening or whatever. i think he was more of a theologean and less of a manual labor kind of fellow. which upon reflection is comical. this little guy and my tall hard working papa. that said, their kindness to him is something i will never forget.
the other preacher and his wife that i remember became a regular part of their lives and were dear friends to them. the wife was loud, very musical, and was in great contrast to the straight laced, square presbyterians of the church. she was like a bull in the china shop. she wanted upbeat and the squares wanted solemn. she loved the idea of inclusivity, the squares clutched their pearls. the preacher was such a great fellow. smart, tech savvy, and could fix anything with a motor. they challenged grannie and papa to think in a different way and it was fun to watch. they were great friends to them and by extension to all of us.
at one point, their daughter who was very terribly mentally ill, homeless, and the epitome of hot mess came to live with grannie and papa. i helped them to ready things for her and make it as welcoming as we could. they so wanted to help this lady who was so dear to their friends yet so detached from them in hopes that they could reconcile and get her to be a healthy member of society. meanwhile, she was a hot mess to put it lightly. she and papa ribbed each other constantly and i secretly wished she go the hell on somewhere. she did, eventually overstay her welcome and she became a vagabond again.
regardless of her outcome, i learned lessons there. i learned that their kindness and love had no bounds. they practiced what they preached and what was preached every sunday. i saw that the help you give does not have to be given back. that there should be no conditions on love.
i found that to be true once again when i was around 26 years old with a almost two year old baby girl in the midst of a divorce. i had passed the point of no return and was bound and determined to single mom it so i could reclaim my life. and guess who was there to pick me up and get me going again? you guessed it, my grandparents. they welcomed me into one of their rentals that was less than ideal but better than the alternative. i got stupid cheap rent, help moving, and all the succotash i could eat. when a better house became available right next door, it was given to me, no questions asked, and they let me bring my cat, even though papa thought cats were the worst animals ever to walk the earth. i got almost daily visits when annie was home and constant support and meals when i wanted them. they never asked many questions nor did they track all of my movements directly even though i know they knew when i was home or not. when i found troy grannie came to check him out and see if he was worthy and instantly fell in love with him. i stayed there until i could mostly get my shit together with a better job, a better home, and then life began again. she did it with a happy and giving heart and loved being there for us as much as i loved having her so near.
when my dear grannie was close to being reunited with her mom, my mom, and her lord, i told her that everything i learned about being a good person i learned from her. she was shocked. she was like "me?!" and she laughed. i don't think she ever thought of herself as that good, but everyone else knew the truth. she was the real deal. i even believe that if she were around today with her full faculties, health, and strength, she would be still out helping others and would love my now son so so much. and as an aside, i don't think she would have ever let papa become such a devout red hat wearer. it just wasn't within her limited powers back then to stop it.
i have more about grannie to come. believe me, grannie stories are never ending.
but it makes me wonder--where did we take such a giant turn? when did it become so acceptable to be divisive, spew vitriol, turn our backs on the derelict, and generally be so damn selfish? where are the grannies? are they just a thing of the past? have we moved so far into ourselves that living like grannie isn't fathomable anymore? i'll be the first to admit that i am not near as giving as she was. i love to gift, i love to be there for others, i love to love really. but would i ever house the homeless? not likely. i could make them a righteous gift bag but house them in my extra room? no way. that said, will i advocate? yes. do i do it in the name of morality? not really. i do for others in love. why can't everyone be like that? i don't need a book, building, doctrine, or person to tell me how to love or why to love. i learned it from the best and i continue to do it because it is what i love to do, not for the return on investment. i hope that someone is inspired to take from this ever evolving book and do the same.
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