i had a kid in my first grade class some years back that i absolutely adored. i had known the family for years and was so excited that i got to teach this kid. this kid was the total package (and still very much is): kind, smart, loving. i welcomed her into my classroom with open arms and much excitement.
a bit into the school year, the mom sent me a message and wanted to relay some information about their family. if you know me, you know that i am open to just about anything, anybody, any lifestyle you may have. the mom wanted to make sure i knew that they thought i was a safe person to tell that their family was atheist. my first thought was: wow! they felt comfortable enough with me to share that? in this town? in this community? i let that sweet mama know that in no way would this affect my relationship with my sweet student or them for that matter and if anything, it was such a welcome treat to find someone in our community with similar beliefs.
we live in the heart of bible country. it is the biggest thread that binds this community. "thoughts and prayers" is put into every comment section on facebook. to be anything else is a shock and a threat to people here. they just don't know what to do with people who are different. it makes them legit buffer, glitch. you believe what? you do what on sunday mornings? you don't have a *gasp* church?!
it's so complicated. i was raised in a church going christian household. we went to church just like my grandparents did. we took up in the united methodist church my neighbors went to. we enjoyed the community that we had. it wasn't something we discussed with any regularity. we said our blessing before we ate every night. we attended sunday school. it was just something that we did.
as i got older, i struggled with believing something that i couldn't see. that didn't have concrete answers. something that i really wasn't given a choice in. nobody really got a choice in church at that time. you just did it and didn't ask questions. the problem with that is, i question everything. EVERYTHING. i had a wonderful sunday school teacher who tried so hard to help me understand and guide me, bless him. he tried, but it never stuck.
i married into an adventist family when i was really young. talk about culture shock. nothing they said made sense and some of what they said was down right offensive, honestly. looking backwards, i can honestly say that those are some of the most pure, kind hearted people i've ever met, and still are to this day. that said, their belief system went against everything i ever considered to be true. i bucked it pretty hard. after we got married, we rarely stepped foot in the church.
post divorce me tried to follow what my family and friends did in visiting church from time to time, going to christian music concerts, praying. the whole time i felt uneasy about it. i could never put my finger on what the turn off was, but the older i got the more uncomfortable i felt.
when troy and i met and later got married, we never really discussed religion much. he was raised very similarly to me, except in the baptist church. he had stories of church basketball, bible school, and potlucks that sounded a lot like what i had experienced growing up. when felix was young, i took him to bible school, because i thought that was what you were supposed to do. he seemed to enjoy it. it never stuck with him though. fast forward to now and i can tell you that the idea of organized religion is not something he is interested in.
the turning point for me was watching the decline of what i remembered our community and country to be like. i watched our country absolutely lose their collective shit over the thought of having a black president. i saw our country crumble over gay rights, reproductive rights, universal health care, and feeding poor people. the folks that held the biggest opinions and voiced said opinions were the people who i saw as huge church folks. people who prayed for everyone, who went to church every week, who attended bible study. people i looked up to and thought were really good people. i'm in no way saying those people are bad people. i know they aren't, nor are they the enemy in this scenario. it legit was just a turning point for me.
i distinctly remember having a conversation with troy about all of this in the not so distant past. in this conversation, we discussed how we wondered how people could be so vile. like how could they say one thing and do another. and before i knew it, i said the following statement: "i know i am a good person. i don't need an old book, building, and someone else's beliefs to tell me how to behave, believe, and be a good person. i learned that from watching good people, not from doctrine." that one statement changed my life. i remember the anxiety i had always felt about the topic of religion leave my body. i wasn't bound by it anymore. the fact that troy agreed with how i put it really sealed it for me.
i don't begrudge anyone nor their beliefs. it's really quite the opposite. believe what you want. go to what church you want. you want to never step foot in a church? do you. you're jewish? muslim? buddist? yesss!! i'm here for it.
what i'm not here for is this: any type of hatred because of differences you'll never educate yourself on, therefore you know nothing about. i'm not here for preaching gospel yet not practicing it. i'm not here for people blindly following things based on untruths or blind hate. i can't sit by and watch people spew gross hate on the community my son is a part of because it doesn't make sense to them. it doesn't have to make sense to you for it to be true for them. it doesn't have to make sense to you for you to show respect to them.
i have lost people in my life who i have at one time considered to be close friends just due to an inability to respect my son and the community he is a part of. my son does not need prayer. he needs respect. he just wants to exist. he is not a threat to you or your children.
i am of the unique opinion and perspective that the open arms i have make me a better person, educator, friend. i never turned my nose up at the muslim students who came to school one year when i taught kindergarten. matter of fact, the mother of one of those children is still in contact with me to this day. my only ask is that no one push their beliefs on me. i surely wouldn't do that to them.
i think of my sweet former first grader often. i ask her mom for advice when i'm struggling with how to handle situations i find myself in. we have formed a pretty tight bond over our shared beliefs. it's been a blessing to find another like minded soul amongst the masses here in our small community. it really is a balm to the soul.
i often wonder how many people from similar backgrounds come to the same conclusion i have? it's a very tough thing to accept when you're in such a tiny minority. a tiny fish in a big sea.
i realize my opinions and beliefs are hard for many of my close friends and family members to comprehend. it doesn't change how much i love those people. thankfully for most of them, they don't really care about my beliefs so much as what kind of person i am, which i greatly appreciate. they also support me and my kiddo which is all i've ever wanted. while religion isn't for me, i understand why it is for many. the thought that there is something that could explain things that are so so hard to explain is a comfort to many. it really isn't for me, and if there is one thing i know for certain, it's this: it's ok and i don't have to. thank goodness for that.
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