social media is a highlight reel. i just told that to a friend recently. nobody posts all their hurts, regrets, missteps. well, they might, but it comes across less like a genuine statement and more like a plea for attention. everyone loves sharing the good. i am totally guilty of that. having said that, your facebook, insta, tiktok, whatever, is yours and yours to do with as you wish. that said, this particular foray into baring all on social media is more for me, less for others unless they want to learn more about me and this journey of life that i've been on. i find it therapeutic in a lot of ways to write and tell the thoughts that go so fast and free in my mind.
today, the last day of 2024 has me really thinking about what the past year has entailed. i've been reflecting on the past 12 months. the wins, losses, regrets, lessons. i've always been taught in the field of education that reflection is where you hone your craft. i've found that to be absolutely true, and i'm hoping that in looking back, i can move forward happily and with the wherewithal to enjoy it.
the joys and good are the easiest to reflect upon so i will do that first. personally and professionally, i have had a great year. i've grown as an educator, friend, mother, and wife. nothing is ever perfect, but we will address that in a bit. this year, i've been able to spend time with my loved ones, son, friends, and husband. i've traveled virginia both far and near; had amazing trips and experiences with my besties and husband, and great food with my favorite people. i've learned that this time is something you never get back. you need to spend every moment you can with your people. you need to make the time. and i've learned some people show you how they feel about you by the time they refuse to make for you in the name of being "too busy".
in july, i was able to finally make it back to the eastern shore to have time with my family. i am always cautious about my time there, always on guard. it's so hard for me to live this new normal of a life with my dad and his new life (that's not really that new but still). here's what though--that trip brought me back to my cousins, my little cousins, some of which i had never met, my aunts, uncles, and of course my brother and dad. it was the first time we had all been together since my mom passed 15 years ago. we were only missing three people which made it so so special. I pushed to get everyone together for a big porch fam photo. I'm so glad i did. it was the last one we will ever take. how precious is that?
this year i've really tried to set forth goals/hopes in the form of bucket lists. i've written about that, but in terms of motivation, it really helps to see it in front of you every day instead of saying "i want to..." and never really doing it. that helped troy, too, in making things happen. we did do the trips to the parkway. i spent as much time as i could with my friends, had the date nights, played and ran with aurora sue, started and continued dance fitness classes. i really want to continue this idea of putting forth the things i want to do, no matter how big or small, and getting them done. i'm not saying that i want to be out and about all the time. i need and love a day in the bed more than anyone, believe it or not.
professionally, this past year has been nothing short of amazing. i've embraced the joys of the job. i've embraced all 600 kids, their unique qualities, their stories, their needs and wants. i've danced and danced some more, i've listened to their grievances, joys, disappointments, anger. i've played, built, drawn, created with them. i've taken great pride in becoming the 'fun aunt' of the primary school, regardless of how that made their classroom mamas or daddy feel. i mean, if i can be the fun aunt and spoil these babies AND teach them something at the same time, then hell yeah, i'm going to do it.
looking back, do i have regrets? disappointments? failures? one word: DUH. who doesn't? i wish a lot of things. i wish i called more and texted less. i wish i visited people more. i really wished that i could make things work with some people in my life. the loss of friendships over the past few years over differing opinions, rejections, and words unsaid has been difficult, but freeing at the same time. do i miss them? sometimes. sometimes the hurt feelings make me not miss them at all. as previously discussed, those relationships were seasonal. i have to be ok with the seasons changing in relationships just as in the coming and going of the seasons throughout the year. did i wish they put in more? do i resent that? of course. but as with anything, you try to heal and move on.
moving forward, what do i want in the new year? some people make resolutions. i think that is a sure fire way to fail, honestly. am i going to make myself a promise to drink water? to eat better? to cuss less? walk more? no. let's be real. i'm going to continue the path i've started, just with maybe a few tweaks. i want more time with more people. i want to continue to grow strong, both physically and emotionally. i want to create. i want to eat really good food. i want to explore. i want to not dwell on the past but live in the present. i want more time with my family both far and near. i want to see my people thrive and be so so happy for them. and i want to find a way to get back to the beach with jessica, even though i'm broke as a joke. (ha!)
so as we close out this year, i am adamant that the next one will be great. not without disappointment, failure, or regret, but just right. if there are no bad times, you never fully appreciate the good. and if that isn't what life is all about, i don't know what is. happy new year's eve, friends and family. if i haven't said it lately or enough, i love you more than you know. if you didn't know, you do now. go forth and be amazing. 💕
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