I’m so proud of you.

Five words. That’s all it takes. I was talking to Troy tonight about my precious thoughts on things people say that resonate and then repeat over and over in people’s minds. This one really does it for me. 

I’m so proud of you. 

Those five words mean everything to someone who is actively trying. Trying to better themselves. Trying something new. Trying to learn. Trying to hold their shit together when nothing seems right. Trying to adult for the first time. Trying to be the best version of themselves. Trying not to escape. 

Troy and I were discussing the final scene of the Springsteen movie. Bruce just finished a huge show and sees his dad, the man who has always been a source of pain, frustration, and disappointment to him. The guy who was a WWII veteran. Who was of another time and of limited emotional capacity. He goes to his dad, and he tells him at age the age of 30 whatever to come sit on his lap. He proceeds to tell Bruce how proud he is of him. Bruce struggled for a big part of his life trying to reconcile issues with his dad. In that moment, they both healed a bit. It was a profound moment for me. Even someone on the top of his game needed to hear his dad was proud of him. 

In working with young children, nothing makes them light up like telling them you’re proud of them, especially when they’ve worked so hard and seemingly got only a little bit ahead. I told a second grader this year who, come to find out, was really struggling in reading. She has such a spirit that I never would have known. Kid reading is never really a focus of mine. You don’t have to be able to read to problem solve in my room. That said, she struggled and I didn’t know until all of her classmates came in with their AR test bead necklaces. They were all so proud of them. She hid hers. My eyes teared up as much as the Zoloft allowed and I pulled her aside. I told her, “sweet girl, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. You work harder than any kid in this class to learn how to read. You absolutely will get there. I’m proud of how hard you work and how much you want to learn. And sissy, I love you so so much!” That kid lit up like a Christmas tree. 

For me, personally, I’ve had several people tell me how proud they are of me for dancing my ass off at the gym and working hard to get stronger. For those who don’t know me like that, it is a pretty big deal. I have two people tell me consistently how proud they are of me. I almost cry every single time. 

Now, the gym is one thing, but the one person I got to hear the words from was my mama. I can’t remember what the conversation exactly entailed. I just remember her being in her final weeks. We were sitting on her sofa in her favorite spot with a blanket my friend Jill gave her. Likely a cig in her hand. She told me how proud she was of me. I’m sure it had to do with being a mom, a teacher, a fairly fresh newlywed. I know I gave her fits. I wasn’t good at much besides being as dad always said “a jabberjaw”. By that time, while I did graduate from college with both a bachelors and masters level degree, a good teaching job, and a most amazing kid ever, I had also been a big fat failure at my first marriage, my finances, and to me, most everything on the planet. That said, hearing that she was proud of me was a big deal. Maybe I wasn’t as big of a fuckup as I thought. 

I’m not sure what the hang up is in telling people you’re proud of them or for that matter sharing anything with someone that is of an emotional nature. Is it a generational thing? Of the people who tell me regularly how proud they are of me are gen X folks. As a proud gen x’er I can say that I’m the worst at being emotionally secure, processing things, or being vulnerable at all.  I do feel fairly sure, however, that I’m better at it than previous generations have been. That said, I always want my kid to know I’m proud of him. My hope is that I can be better as the years go on. I never want to have a Springsteen moment with my kid, that’s for sure. 

My hope is that someone somewhere can take something from my ramblings and make a change in how they express their pride in their family, friends, and loved ones. Tell them how proud you are. Tell them you’re proud of the fact they didn’t eat cookie dough for breakfast. That might be their biggest accomplishment of the day. Sometimes the seemingly silly things mean more than the big ones, friends. 

Love your faces. I’m so proud of you for showing up, for being fabulous, for checking on your friends, for drinking your water, and for taking time for you. You deserve it. 💜💜