The things you say that stick

​I saw a video one day that said to be careful with the things you say to someone. Those people play back what you say in their heads time after time. It was one that stuck with me. Then I got to thinking about what those things were that people have said to me that stuck in my brain and have yet to leave. Perhaps you’ve heard these. Or said these. Or you have no idea the impact of your words and should. Any way you connect with it hopefully this will have you thinking. 

◦ You are so strong! 

This one has been said to me by  gym instructors within the last 6 months. Me? Strong? I wondered if I had hit my head for a second. But upon reflection I accepted it and went back to tell her how much that meant to me. I remind myself sometimes that yes, I am, in fact fairly strong! 

◦ You are an amazing (friend, teacher, etc)

I have a severe case of imposter syndrome in most every area of my life. I legit thought recently that at some point Jessica would leave me in the dust for being too much. I told her this and she was like: FRIEND. NEVER. She didn’t give me the option to let it sit in my mind a second more. Have I said lately she’s the best? 

As a teacher I struggle with my place. I’m not in the classroom anymore. My job is considerably less stressful than my homeroom teacher friends. I taught for over 20 years before getting this position. I know their worth. I know my worth too at times, but the ease that my experience and job afford me make me wonder if I’m even needed or good at it or whether what I deem important for kids is important or if I’m doing it “right”. Then that one kid or that one mom tells me I’m good at it and my brain finally calms down some. Praise be for kind parents and kids who get me. 

◦ You are an inspiration 

Inspiration? Me? Sister friend. I had a surgery. It’s not rocket science. But then I give myself a bit of credit for keeping this weight off and I’m like…sister! Thank you! I still think it’s an overstatement but how sweet for someone to think that! 

◦ You’ve got this, keep going 

This one hits. For every person who struggles. Say it. They may not have it at that moment. But they will. Myself included. Tell people this one often and mean it. They (read: me) will replay it over and over when  they want to quit. 

◦ The hurt doesn’t last forever 

There is more truth to this than anyone will ever know. Sometimes the hurt does last months or years. But never forever if you work on it. I’m in the middle of repeating this one to myself as I write this one. 

◦ You don’t have to 

I just told someone this this week. It’s true. You don’t have to accept less than you deserve. You don’t have to go to the baby shower when you’re secretly hurting from a miscarriage  no one knows about. You don’t have to go to a party that will give you a panic attack. You don’t have to apologize for being a human fucking being. Ever. 

◦ It’s ok to feel that way

It is. End of story. Tell people their feelings are valid. 

◦ Thank you. 

If you were never taught this, shame. But thank people more than you should. Appreciate every moment with people. Thank them for talking to you. Listening. Going on errands with you. Remembering you. Thinking of you. Being there when you felt like you were being extra or too much (me). Everyone remembers appreciation or the lack thereof. 

◦ I need you. 

People remember when they’re needed. They hear it over and over in their mind. It’s a great reminder that you’re important to them in their life. 

◦ I love you. 

Tell everyone you love that you love them.  Romantic love. Friend love. Family love. Puppy dog love. I am not good at this, but I’m learning. Although I do tell Aurora Sue every day.  I always feel like the most important person when I hear this. 

◦ I’m so happy to see you! 

◦ I’m so glad you’re here! 

Kids remember these two statements and internalize it. TELL THEM. The late kid? Tell them you’re so glad they’re at school. It’s not their fault they’re late. I wish you knew the faces of these kids when they hear these statements from the adults they love the most: their teachers. They light up like the Rockefeller Christmas tree friends. They really do. It’s a game changer. 

◦ I’m here for you 

I have a friend who always says this. It’s not someone I’ve known long. But it is the kindest thing I’ve heard from someone I’ve known a short time. This friend is very intuitive and knows when I need to hear it, and I remember it and how it made me feel seen. Doesn’t everyone want to feel seen?

◦ You are not a burden

I need to tell people this one more. As someone with more insecurities than I can count, this one hits home. 

◦ Imma pray for you

◦ Thoughts and prayers

These two are my nemesis. I respect that people think it’s helpful, but for me, tell me something concrete. I hear it and replay it as this: I’m not willing to do what you need, which is listen or bring them some Cheetos and a Coke Zero and let them unload for a second. Those are the helpful bits for me. The thoughts and prayers bit seems lazy. (Gasp!) Do something that is concrete. A handwritten note, a text that tells them you’re thinking of them, an affirmation that your feelings are valid, the Diet Coke, a big ol’ hug if they’re the hugging kind, the never forgetting the triggers: the death, the loss, the hardship. Send your love often. Never stop. 

What words replay in your head? Good things? Bad things? I know that I’m a work in progress in not being afraid to tell people what I really want them to know. It’s a goal of mine to do more and to not be afraid. 

Love you. I mean it. You’ve got this. You are a magical unicorn capable of anything you ever want to do. And this girl is your biggest hype person on the planet. Let me plant that seed friend. 💜💜