when troy and i wanted to get a dog in early 2023, i wanted to name it mattie g. mattie g was my paternal grandmother. to say she was a character would be an understatement. and to say that i am nostalgic and sentimental would be an even bigger understatement. if you can picture an older, wiser, even sassier version of me, then you'd have mattie g. forever stubborn, old school, chain smoking, scarred by both childhood and adult trauma, a forever short budget and work ethic like none other. she didn't have the luxury of relaxing. there was always someone or some critter to feed, old grandma to care for, and multiple jobs to work. she had a strong faith that i knew was there but i also don't remember her sharing that in the same way my other grandparents did. i never accompanied her to church nor felt pressured to do so.
i think by the time i came along, chris and i spent more time with my maternal grandparents than her. that said, man i loved my grandma. i loved her quick wit, her making over me with avon books, sample lipsticks, and the generic oreo cookies in the jar in her tiny kitchen. i loved that her house was small, but had spots in it that were magical. we fought over the spot near the oil circulator in the living room even if it meant sitting on the floor. we made the most of every holiday gathering with our aunts, uncles, and cousins and extended cousins. people gravitated to her house because she was the matriarch that always had enough for everyone. i have so many fond memories, and i hope to share some of those with you.
i was the second born grandchild. by the time i came along there was major fam drama that i never fully understood until i was much older, but i always knew that there was this deep seated anger in her and my uncle and aunts which come to find out was quite warranted. that said, i knew even from a very young age not to mention my grandpa because while i had a relationship with him and his wife that was purely because of my dad. nobody else did. it was always a tad weird but being a kid, i just went with it. i now know the pain that goes with it and wish it could have been different for all parties involved so that that wouldn't have caused such hurt for my favorite people.
time spent at grandmas had this interesting vibe. we kids were sent out to play and often times found ourselves sitting on gliders on the front porch, playing made up games, trying to explore the big shed to find treasures, picking grapes, hoping to go to the pond to fish, or exploring the woods with our dad. we all wanted to sleep in the upstairs because of the super steep steps and the three bedrooms that were all open to each other up there. how my grandma kept up with up to 6 or 7 kids up there i will never quite fully understand. that said, there were always things to look at up there, relics from my twin aunts and my uncle from when they were younger. horses, romance novels, comfy tiny beds with metal headboards and this magical sense that only came to really young kids. often though, i had to sleep downstairs, usually with a cousin or random long lost cousin. I never really liked that. i also never remember my brother staying there, but i'm sure he did at some point. i loved to be amongst my aunts who always made over me and as we all know, i am a center of attention kind of girl. "spoiled but not rotten" was my tagline.
mealtime at grandma mattie's was always a whole thing. by that, i mean, she was all about men folk. men folk always ate first and were served. treated like the kings they were. the wives and other women were next and were the workhorses in that tiny kitchen. we kids had to occupy the kitchen table and i had to always fear the kitchen woodstove that i was petrified of. that woodstove and the gas lit cooking stove. the blue flames were fascinating but it was so different from our kenmore stove with the electric burners. i never thought of her home as less than ours with the exception of the fact there was only one bathroom. that was apparently a common thing that was a luxury to most people. naive me thought everyone had 2 bathrooms. the bathroom was a whole other experience too. all i remember was copious amounts of avon bubble bath and powders with the big poofs and jean nate. does anyone even remember yellow bottles of jean nate?
now, when grandma mattie finally sat down to relax, she had her chair and her console tv. and her cats. the cats were hateful hussies. everyone called them that, especially her and my aunts. they hated everyone but her. siamese cats at that. who even has siamese cats? oh, and guinea pigs. i loved the guinea pigs but my soft ass would never hold them without a towel because i was convinced that they were gonna pee or poop on me or both. i had no trust for those things but i did want to hold them. they were unpredictable little shits. when my brother was young she had a monkey that has since been talked about like it was more of a myth but i think chris still talks about the random monkey. i think there were birds and some random dogs here and there too.
i never remember anything that was discussed at grandma's house. i just remember us being there. i remember being called abigail. i still have yet to figure out where that started and why even at 47 i still get called abigail. i remember how proud she was of her kids and what they did for a living. my dad, the college graduate, the engineer. my uncle, the state police officer who was legendary and continued to be so until his very recent passing. my aunts, the twins, one a nurse, one a missionary, teacher, and later a nurse as well. i remember their pictures framed and prominently displayed.
i remember holidays the most. a really really full house. us, uncle and his family including his wife, my two cousins one his and one hers. everyone really worshipped my cousin because we never saw her much. the step cousin was slid to the side like the other 'steps' which was grossly unfair but spoke to old school grandma and her allegiance to us full kids. now that i have a kid who is a 'step' to one side of my family and never treated as such has been quite meaningful to me as he's grown up. my aunts were there with their biological kids and two step kids, and my dad's cousin who was always called uncle by us kids with his wife and her two boys. they always seemed miserable but i still keep in contact with the living brother's family to this day even though i'm sure the remaining brother would rather forget that we were ever considered any type of family. (and it makes me giggle just thinking about it even now). i'll never forget the most unfortunate gifts they would get but were well intentioned and no doubt hard for my grandma to afford for all of us. poor nick and the celtics basketball are forever etched in my brain, especially when i scored the yellow puffalump i was dying for.
when i was a teenager, grandma needed a hip replacement and somehow it was agreed that grandma would come to live with us during her recovery. i can't imagine that this was convenient for anyone because she was known for being supremely stubborn and likely critical of my saintly mother. all i know is she donated to my prom dress fund. she proudly displayed that picture in her home for years and years afterward and i was mortified. though it was probably a trying time, i genuinely adored any time i spent with my grandma and to get all the attention from her was totally in my wheelhouse.
as i got older still, i visited at every holiday and time that i could. luckily, i went to longwood and could be around as much as i wanted. i loved a good friday night visit when all of my aunts and cousins were there. it was a comfort. i mean, who doesn't want to spend an evening in her tiny hot living room watching her stories on tv? i remember being so proud to have that family in farmville and taking my friends in for visits.
when i was first teaching at fuqua school after graduating from longwood, grandma was diagnosed with cancer. at the time, she was the first person i remember going through treatments. i don't remember much about that time, but i do remember that i never worried much because she was a tough bird and i figured she'd be ok, like when you have the flu or something. the gravity of the situation never fully hit me until years later. youth provides you with a sense of innocence, even if you are in your 20's. i legit went from what information i got from mom and dad and they hand picked that information. i was ok with that and wish i still had the privilege of that protection at 47.
the day that changed is when her boss found her. she was still working as a home health aide at 75 years old. it was in 2001. i was pregnant with my only child. i got the call that they found her confused in her car, a beloved buick (another story, another post and def worth noting). come to find out, the cancer had returned, this time invading her brain. it wasn't long and she came home to hospice care. of course like most things i didn't know anything about hospice care. i now know more than any one person should ever know. that said, i started spending as much time there with her as i could.
here's what i remember from that time: busyness. aunts, uncles, dad, mom all trying to navigate her care. she wanted to be home. it was what she did for her mother and helped countless others to do as well in their final days. for her generation, it was their way to honor their loved ones. i don't remember the minutae of how long she was there, how long it took, the hard parts. what i remember are the small moments. the glimmers. i remember giving her handmade cards from my students. i remember telling her all about the baby i was carrying. i remember being so so happy i could tell her i was having a little girl. i like to think she was lucid enough to hear that. i remember going out to call tom turkey from the neighbor's hobby farm. she loved tom turkey and would go out in her housecoat and slippers to call him so she could fluff his feathers. he loved her. so much so, come to find out, that he died of a broken heart not long after we lost her. i remember her giving me a gold signet ring of hers. and here's a good one: i remember her wanting a cigarette (her ultimate vice and the thing that in the end got her) and i told her--why the heck not grandma? it's not like it is gonna kill you! and she hollers at mama: "sue!!!! amy says i can have the cig and that it aint gonna kill me!!" i both grin and tear up at that exchange. i had a very similar one with my own mother not 8 years later.
that was her in a nutshell: if she wanted to, she would. she wanted to take care of others. she did. she wanted to live her life and be independent in a post grandpa (and likely pre/during grandpa) era. she did just that. she wanted to GO. she did. she went any and everywhere. that's another post for another day (add it to my list). if she wanted to do for her grandkids she found a way.
i know she treated me like i was the favorite even if it was really chris or traci that really was the favorite. ha!! she knew me and understood me more than just about anyone else in my life. for that, i was truly grateful. i gleaned a lot of my best qualities from her. spunk, independence, sass, a smart mouth, stubbornness, and an ability to enjoy every moment. she was one of a kind, a total original.
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