safe, heard, and seen

this is a safe place. i declare it so, so it must be true. i think that all people need a safe place. safe from just about anything too: safe from judgement, physical harm, emotional stress. i like to think that i'm not a terribly judgmental person, unless  you do some stupid shit. i mean, if you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes, like my taytay says. 

nevertheless, i like to think i am the friend or family member that is a safe place. does that mean i want to debate anyone? no. i am not here to debate beliefs with anyone. it's really a futile pursuit. i don't wish to change minds. i don't have this need for people to understand me or my feelings. the people who already understand are my safe place and i am theirs. i only feel safe having those touchy conversations with a handful of people. i have many opposing beliefs and trains of thought from the average person in this community. do i feel safe in talking about that with just anyone? no. duh. i feel safe doing so here, because honestly, i have no idea who reads this silly train of thought. if they read it and like it, great. if they read it and hate it, ok--your loss. 

i think back to the not so distant past when i really needed a safe place to vent my emotional response to something. i went to the wrong people, and in turn, those people blamed me for my reaction. they couldn't help me. i am not quite sure why it was so hard for them to understand, but i know now that they weren't meant to be my safe place. maybe they were meant for other things--silliness, lightness, but never the deep emotional stuff that you think of your best friends to support. they didn't see or hear me when i went to them. and you know what? that's ok. seasons. i go back to that a lot. 

i think about my beautiful kids at school. where and who is their safe place? where do they go to feel safe, heard, and seen? a lot of times, it's school. i'm so glad that they feel that way. sometimes it's heartbreaking what they tell us. we hear about loss of people and pets, hurts, and some seriously scary stuff. sometimes it's regular kid stuff--lost teeth, big wins/losses on the ball field, how they got a new pet, how they got to get mcdonald's for dinner the night before. sometimes they want to show off their new new, which is always a good time. sometimes, we are their safe place to land when they screw up. maybe it's behavior, maybe it's an emotional outburst, maybe it's a failure of some kind.  they have to know that their teachers are there for them no matter what happens. i like to give them time in class at the beginning to 'air the grievances' so to speak. sometimes it's what they need more than the content i'm trying to get to in a 45 minute block of time. it's a honor that they consider us to be a safe place to land, share, and vent. 

in the past almost three years, i've had two pretty big life events. since i've had bariatric surgery and had a child come out as transgender, i have had many people come to me with questions. they want to know about my surgery, weight loss journey, and how that works. they want to know what it's like to have a trans kid. they want to know what that even means. they want to know more about my kid, what their new name is, what pronouns they use, what is the right/wrong thing to say/do with them. how not to offend them or me. furthermore, they relate to me their experiences with bariatric surgery or their queer child, neighbor, or friend. what a pleasure it is to have those conversations with people! i'm glad they found me a safe and open person to ask. it makes me beyond overjoyed to be able to share what i know with them and help them to continue to learn, especially about LGBTQ issues. i don't know near everything, but it's a joy to be on the journey with people who are genuinely curious and interested. 

it brings me back to being safe, heard, and seen. everyone deserves that. sometimes we look for it in the wrong places (social media, people who don't understand, nor will they ever). sometimes, we find that magic juju of a person who is our safe place for the hard stuff.  sometimes, our safe people are there for the good or concerning but not the deep stuff. that is ok too. not every person in your life needs to be there for the deepest thoughts you have. 

to have people in our lives who see us for who we are, listen to our joys and hiccups is a blessing.  be so thankful for those people, friends. think about how you are that person for someone else too. are you a soft place to land? i really hope so. now, go forth, friends, and become that safe place for someone. i think people need it this week more than ever. 

love you. mean it. 💙💙