i remember sitting in the japanese restaurant one night and seeing this lady come in. she had long, beautiful dark brown hair. it was the shiniest hair i had ever seen. i don't remember anything else about her. nothing else was remarkable, honestly. but she sat in a chair waiting for her order as we were finishing our dinner. i wasn't trying to be a total weirdo i swear, but i couldn't take my eyes off of her. being the awkward person i am i toyed with telling her how beautiful her hair was. then anxiety took over and then then then....then i was walking out the door, but not before stopping to tell her that i loved her hair and how beautiful it was because it was so shiny. she lit up like a christmas tree. it was a quick exchange. i caught up to troy, who didn't even realize i was being a creeper with this poor unsuspecting lady and relayed what i told her. i honestly don't think he thought much of it, or maybe he thought in his brain...."why is she like this?" i don't know buddy, i ask myself the same question all the damn time.
since that random exchange with the lady i'll likely never see again, i have made a point to tell people how gorgeous they are. troy and i were out to dinner again, this time in richmond. there was a table of ladies who looked to be sorority sisters sitting catty-corner to us. she had the most gorgeous long hair and these nails. friends, you wouldn't be able to concentrate either if you saw these longggg nails. this lady just captivated me. hopefully she didn't see me looking at her like a weirdo. nevertheless, i had to stop on my way out and tell her how beautiful she was. sister was probably thinking i was some crazy white lady, but who cares? i'll never see her again.
regardless of the political correctness of it, i find i'm obsessed with african american women's hair. well, let me amend that, i'm obsessed with african american men's afros too. the fact that ludacris didn't have a fro at the show tishie and i went to was disappointing to say the least, but i digress. nevertheless, i find myself zeroing in on black hair. the bigger and more natural the better. i recently saw a cashier at walmart with the most glorious afro and i had to stop and tell her how beautiful her hair was. secretly, i'm jealous that my hair will never be that gorgina, i swear.
i tell the kids at school how glorious their hair is. almost every day. i always make a point to notice. hair is a big deal to everyone. you feel confident when you're having a good hair day. so when kids come in with braids, curls, beads, big fuzzy poofs, new hair cuts, little designs in the sides, what i call "magic hair" (extensions), colors, you name it; i notice. i don't know how these mamas do this hair. like why can't they come to my house in the morning and french braid my hair or do piggy tail braids or those bubble braids or the beautiful curls? my girl skills are lacking and i have no clue what to do with my very own long hair.
hair is but one of the things that i try to notice with people. i was telling troy just this week that specific compliments make people light up. telling someone they are pretty or handsome is fine, but really telling someone they have beautiful eyes, eyelashes, hair, nails, shoes; that means a lot to someone. i can find something that is special about just about anyone, even if they have some unfortunate mess going on. with the kids at school, zeroing in on that one thing they are proud of and making over it builds a relationship with them that enables me to reach them and teach them more effectively on the daily. i don't really set out to find a kid and compliment them. that's pretty disingenuous. nor do i try to set a quota of how many kids to compliment. like who has the time or patience for that? anyway, i try to find things as i see them and then make a point to tell them. i make over sparkly dresses, i ask if those new shoes help them either run fast or dance better, i ask boys where they get those seriously long eyelashes because mine are short and thin, i make over kids who have the tawny eyes, the blue eyes, the green; and the kid who has the fresh fade? you know i gotta tell him he is rocking that.
i had a grandparent who dropped their two boys every day. both of those kids had had a rough start. that said, they were starting to thrive under the care of these wonderful grands. i always made over those two boys getting them out of the truck in the morning. one day, after the boys had gone on in, they stopped to tell me that whenever they saw me coming they lit up because i made over them so much every morning. ain't that the best kind of glimmer? a little bit of hope for those boys? for me?
think about the last time someone genuinely complimented you. how did that make you feel? i see how it makes others feel. they legit light up like a christmas tree. their whole demeanor changes. they stand a little taller. smile a little more. you just never know what's going on with people. you don't know strangers' business. you could be the one bright spot in their day. i think about that all of the time with kids, but it applies to teens and adults too. i don't approach people all the time and become the compliment brigade. i'm too anxious for that. but i do make a point to tell it when i can. it's the littlest thing. it's free.99 as my bestie likes to say.
i think as a society, we are so obsessed with going, doing, being here and there, we rarely take the time to find the best parts of our fellow human beings that are on the same path we are. we run through the people's walmart trying hard to not run into someone we have to stop and talk to. i'm guilty of that myself. but the stop on the way out to compliment the cashier changed my day and very likely hers too. it took me all of 10 seconds to do. what if we took those 10 seconds and let the mama with the screaming kid know she was a good mama? what if we told the little girl with the sparkle shoes that they were surely magical? what if we told the old lady waiting in line with us how pretty her nails are? what about the man in his sunday best you see? you know, the one who has the whole ensemble with the hat to match? you know he's looking fresh to death. what if? what's the worst that could happen? they look at you like you're nuts? so what? you'll never see them again, and if you do, you could always make it more awkward and tell them something else that makes them so so pretty. go ahead....do it. see what happens. i'm dying to hear all about it.
xoxo
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